I just had a conversation with my Mom back in Singapore and I asked her "Before you got married, did you ever have an idea of what marriage is about ? Was it what you expected or think it is ? Were you prepared for it ?" And her immediate reply was "Why, do you regret being married now ?" Followed by "I didn't think too much or anything then".
It's not that I regret being married. I love the companionship that my husband offers but at the same time with the new acquisition of his companionship and him being my new best friend plus his family (which I am grateful for. Can U imagine if I have nasty SIL ??? or if I am mentality unstable who always compare myself to my SILs' !!! ). But I am giving away my absolute independence and total freedom. I have someone to think about before myself. Even thought Paul never controls what I do or don't but it's the indirect pressure, commitment and "accountability" that clouds over it.
One thing for sure, I can't be like my singleton friends who when decide to go for a vacation to any exotic country can just freely pack their bag and zoom off to their destination. For married folks, we have our other half to think about and the possibilities of turning them into a widow/widower when we are at an exotic country. I used to think of myself as "The Bird with no legs". Now it's like I have a pair of legs and even a nest !
With marriage, there's the bills to factor in like rent, utilities, groceries and other financial obligations. When I was single, all these never did bother me.
The drastic fact is that I am here in a foreign country without my family and friends support, it is another challenge. I am juggling two balls at the same time now - Marriage and Life abroad.
I know it takes time to adapt to a new life or maybe I am a small fish who is swimming in the ocean now. I spoke to my friend in Missouri who had been married and living in the US for 19 yrs now told me she experienced the same thing as well. Life was hard when she is all alone and it took her a few years to get used to it. A FEW YEARS !!!! Yes, that was what I was thinking.
Yes, I miss my family, my friends, the food, the places I am so used to, places I can close my eyes and know how to get to there from point A to point B. But it seems like a distant memory now and I have a whole life to explore and discover.
Am I over processing my thoughts ? Does other married folks have the same thoughts as me ? Are other married folks envious of other singletons ? Or does singletons fancy married life ?
It's not that I regret being married. I love the companionship that my husband offers but at the same time with the new acquisition of his companionship and him being my new best friend plus his family (which I am grateful for. Can U imagine if I have nasty SIL ??? or if I am mentality unstable who always compare myself to my SILs' !!! ). But I am giving away my absolute independence and total freedom. I have someone to think about before myself. Even thought Paul never controls what I do or don't but it's the indirect pressure, commitment and "accountability" that clouds over it.
One thing for sure, I can't be like my singleton friends who when decide to go for a vacation to any exotic country can just freely pack their bag and zoom off to their destination. For married folks, we have our other half to think about and the possibilities of turning them into a widow/widower when we are at an exotic country. I used to think of myself as "The Bird with no legs". Now it's like I have a pair of legs and even a nest !
With marriage, there's the bills to factor in like rent, utilities, groceries and other financial obligations. When I was single, all these never did bother me.
The drastic fact is that I am here in a foreign country without my family and friends support, it is another challenge. I am juggling two balls at the same time now - Marriage and Life abroad.
I know it takes time to adapt to a new life or maybe I am a small fish who is swimming in the ocean now. I spoke to my friend in Missouri who had been married and living in the US for 19 yrs now told me she experienced the same thing as well. Life was hard when she is all alone and it took her a few years to get used to it. A FEW YEARS !!!! Yes, that was what I was thinking.
Yes, I miss my family, my friends, the food, the places I am so used to, places I can close my eyes and know how to get to there from point A to point B. But it seems like a distant memory now and I have a whole life to explore and discover.
Am I over processing my thoughts ? Does other married folks have the same thoughts as me ? Are other married folks envious of other singletons ? Or does singletons fancy married life ?
Before I go bonkers, I am chanting "May the force be with me !" ~ whatever the force is ???
But I believe, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
But I believe, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
8 comments:
May the force be with each married couples especially in times of difficulties :)
May the force be with each married couples especially in times of difficulties :)
Tricia, I agree with you, may the force be with us.
But somehow if a couple brave through the difficult times, both will emerge with a stronger bond and love for each other...
Thankfully, I have friends like you whom I can share my life with and a husband who will back and stand by me.
i know when i was single, i thought that i couldnt wait to get married and now that im married i think i wonder what it would be like to be single again. i think either way there are struggles and desires that you feel arent being met. the good part is IF you married a person that can become your best friend and someone who will let you do things you might want to do as a single person or even share them with you. or if youre stressing about bills, he will say "dont worry honey, its not a problem. as long as we have each other we are ok."
i sometimes think if i was single i could meet a hot guy and go dancing downtown or hang out at bars or hit on hot guys at the beach. but ultimately, i would still be looking for someone to marry and i would end up in the same position i am in now. arent we all just hoping to find THE ONE? whether its the first time or the second or third.
so, i just sit back and look at what i have now and work towards making it everything that i want rather than looking elsewhere. the first few years of marriage is really hard, that is normal. pete and i have been in some ugly fights but its the hard times that bring us closer. thats how i know he is my best friend.
i think the hardest part for you, is just living away from home. when you and paul have a disagreement, you immediately think of everything you gave up for him and wonder if it is worth it. i cant blame you, i would too. but if you guys keep forming a friendship and work together, that thought will start to disappear and you would soon not be able to imagine life without him.
you know?
Sommer I am very pleased at how smart you are when it comes to marriage. Dee, let me tell you something interesting.... no matter age or if it your first or more, marriage is hard because there are 2 (two) personalities living under one roof. Two different ideas on how things should be done or what's important, or beliefs, or tastes. No matter what the growing period brings out of you, it all depends on how you handle it and if you really want to make it work or not.
That's where the LOVE comes in. But friendship is just as important, and maybe even more??
Yes, I think we all have our own ideas of what marriage will be like, and when it is isn't what we imagined, then disappointment steps in.
I hate reality of the real world. But alas it is where we all have to live.
If only everyone I love could just step in my 'bubble world' and live happily for ever after??!!
Just know this Dee, You do have friends here in the states and a fmily here that so loves you and your fun loving crazy ways of thinking and doing. We love you Dee.
Your MIL
Suzi
Yes Sommer, I totally agree with what you said. When we're single, we date cause we want to find THE ONE. When we did marry THE ONE, we wonder how life would be if we are single which we would end up back to square one again, looking for THE ONE to marry. It's like grass is always greener on the other side.
Now that I have found THE ONE, there are challenges as well and that's how life is, good times and bad. Like the vow we took, "In sickness and in health, till death do us part", I guess I just have to brace myself for any stormy days ahead and be blessed that I have a husband to back me and friends who will support me irregardlessly, including you.
Despite the fact that Paul is my best friend but there are always days when I just want to get away from him and have some female companion. It's weird but I feel that even my friends would agree that even if we are married, we still need to have friends who are important to us... But there are also days when it's nice to have just his company.
Like marriage, life here is a new step and move for me, it's difficult but I am trying to adapt and make the best out of it. I had made friends along the way and be away from friends at the same time. Just like life itself ... some gain and some lost...
Thanks for sharing yr thoughts, feelings and emotions, you make absolute sense to me and I cherish you opening and sharing with yr fellow women folks... =)
I can't wait for the day when my BFFs can meet you, cause I know they will adore you as much as I do !
Thanks Mom for your encouragement and sharing your insight on marriage.
I agree in the reality world, as long as there's 2 person who lived together under the same roof, there are bound to be conflict even if it's room mate or even my own husband. And we need to accomodate, understand and be considerate to each other and factor in each other's emotions and feelings. Even if my partner is a fellow Singaporean as me or raised the chinese way, he could and may be different from me as well since not 2 person are alike.
But I am lucky that I have you to enlighten me, cause not all DIL can talk and be honest with their MIL and vice verse. IN that aspect, I am already very fortunate and blessed and definately the target of envy by many. Oh top of that, I have an SIL whom I adore which even pushes the limit for some. So in general, I have already gain all the fellow female support which I can get when it's 2 of the most important figure in the family.
Based on percentage wise, I gained the love of my MIL, SIL and my husband which is a victory. But since I have a very stubborn husband, he still requires much taming hahahahah but I know he is a completely different person now as compared to before and he is so much more fun loving and understanding. Like me, he is also learning and discovering our marriage life together.
Now, I just have to embrace and cherish him and everyone else. And when times get tough, I see it as a challenge from God to test us and build our marriage stronger. But each time I see Paul's smile and hugs, I know it's all worth it.
Dee, you know that is there is ever a saturday or sunday that you want to have a "girls day" or a "girls half day" just give me a call. we can go have lunch or go to the mall. you would never be imposing... if im too busy then i will tell you, so no worries! ( :
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